Talk:Firestarter (1)/@comment-5483266-20150103222020
I'm really scared, guys. My mom has been in terrible condition lately. A variety of factors have caused her to completely give up on life and yet she still continues to overexert herself to the point where I fear her mental and physical faculties will never be the same again. Ironically, she is one of the most health-conscious people I know; she exercises regularly and eats well. But now it appears that her psychological adversities are manifesting into physical ones and I'm honestly terrified about what could happen to her. She's already been making these really disturbing, upsetting comments that sound very much like what someone would write in their suicide note. Just a few months ago she said she'd rather kill herself than deal with me. Now I do not believe she will do anything as she's of the opinion that suicide is selfish and she's a very selfless person (although she would never admit it), but she no longer is averse to death. In fact, she welcomes it with open arms. She's just...so utterly defeated and miserable and it seems like she can never fully recover. She refuses to seek help because medical treatment in the past has only compounded her symptoms and she's convinced that a doctor's intervention will be no different this time around. I feel like this is all the culmination of emotional abuse from my father and the fact that she gave up her career as a research scientist to raise me. He's a deadbeat POS to both of us but she has suffered for over two decades; he's completely taken advantage of and exploited her current occupation as a homemaker and housewife, whereas he still has the nerve to seek validation and affection from me despite that he still hasn't apologized for the time he slapped me when I was seven years old lol (neither of which I give him because I have no reason to. I'm defiant enough to turn the tables on him when he expects a subservient 'good girl' for a daughter. Real parents do not torment or denigrate their children and use their status to justify their actions. Abuse is abuse regardless of blood relation, and blood relation is not a valid excuse to subjugate others. Abuse. Is. Not. Discipline.) He hasn't lain a violent hand on us anymore but the urge is still there; I can see it everytime we have an argument. Every fight we have, even if it's over something trivial, escalates to one where he starts making threats. Now, some of them have proven to be nothing more than empty words, but just the fact that he has the audacity to retaliate so extremely tells you all you need to know about daddy dearest. I've tried taking on my mom's domestic duties to alleviate her workload since it's clear as hell her own husband won't and it's the least I can do, but a few brief moments of rest won't be nearly enough to compensate for all those years of slaving away for his benefit and enduring his disgusting behaviour and hateful words. She used to stand up for herself and still does, but to no avail. I definitely give him hell and let him know that respect is a two-way street: you have to give it to get it. Respect is earned, not inherited. And that still applies to his relationship with us, despite that we're mere, lowly women and he's a chauvinist pig. My father labours under the delusion of the "alpha male complex" and that he's somehow entitled to force us to bend to his every will and whim solely because he's the breadwinner of this "family" and therefore, the 'man of the house'. I have to bow and scrape or else he stops paying for my university tuition/healthcare expenses, and so does my mother to avoid a divorce (she's an extremely devout Christian and doesn't believe in divorce; otherwise she would have left his ass and taken me with her to live with our mutual friend...who passed away several months ago so there goes that pipe dream). He only cares about my mother's wellbeing insofar as it appeases him and it repulses me. One minute he'll pretend to be concerned for her, the next he'll command her to make him a fucking sandwich (yep, he's THAT type). He doesn't even bother putting his dirty dishes away after every meal even though the kitchen's literally a few feet away because 'mom will get it'. That's how lazy and insufferable he is. He should be grateful for everything she has sacrificed for him, for us; but she never goes a day without him giving her orders and reprimanding her. Even when she's frail and exhausted, he still insists on working her to the bone. If she dies, he might grieve for her cooking and cleaning. He'll grieve for a glorified housemaid, not his wife. There is no love to be lost. And then he'll give me the burden of caring for him when it should be the fucking reverse.